Things Not to Remember

I tried not to remember anything unpleasant.
I tried my best not to look back.
Everything failed.This guilt.The pain of carrying it around for a million years.
Fists clenched and lips pursed, i tried not to cry.
After sitting for uncountable hours on the green bright bench,i finally got up.
I could feel the heat coming out of my ears like a steam engine.
I could also feel the rude stares people were giving me as i tried walking steadily.
This is what hell feels like.This is hell.
The burden of the past,the blunders of a seemingly okay person.
The horrors of reliving the ugly memories.
How am i still alive?